Age Definitely did not Bring me Wisdom

The morning after the session in my last post, I thought that I had 'discovered' my sweet Master being less than truthful. My entire adult life, I have had a very bad habit of jumping to conclusions before rechecking the facts. I have improved over the years, but I still manage to screw it up in critical situations.

So- what did I do? i rushed to judgement and accused him.  Five minutes after my finger hit the send button, I realized my error. 
I wrote a retraction, I wrote an apology, and that awful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach just got bigger. i had just totally blown off the best thing that had happened to me in decades.


His reply used words like surprised,  shocked, disappointed. Then, some hope when he wrote 'I am also understanding' 

Then nothing for several hours. I sent my good night check-in to him.  His reply was that he wanted to think about things for a few days. The feeling in the pit of my stomach transformed into a giant block of cement.

And there it sat, for 36 hours. I continued with my check-ins. I did a lot of soul searching: was I into this lifestyle,so much that I couldn't just back out gracefully?  There is not a chance in hell I could go back to that other world. Did I need this Master?  This was really the scary part because I had absolutely no ability to influence the outcome. But yes, I needed this Master, he is so exactly what I need now. Even worse/better for me, he knows this all too well.

So, after those incredibly long 36 hours, I received a reprieve, for now. It comes at a cost to me in terms of lectures and future discipline as well as my never reacting impulsively again.

In Many ways, it ends up being a cost plus reprieve. The lectures strengthen my ability to submit more, to concentrate on what he tells me he wants- and they make me wet. The future discipline, i have no doubt will be memorable.- and the thought of it makes me wet. Above all else, i must learn to 'taste my words,' before saying them as a friend often reminds me. My sweet Master has the cure for my reckless conclusions. Stop, or lose Him.